


Broken Bones

by Sabishiioni



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depression, Family Feels, Loneliness, M/M, Mild Gore, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, PTSD, Self Harm, Tissue Warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-04
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-10 09:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/784376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabishiioni/pseuds/Sabishiioni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He is Kili, sister-son to Thorin, forgotten prince of the Lonely Mountain.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Light and Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit  
> Warnings: Read them  
> Follow Me:[Tumblr](http://sabishiioni.tumblr.com/)  
> Mindless babble: They tell me to write what I know, so I did.  
> Title comes from the song that got me hooked on Rev Theory.

He stood with a smile on his lips and joy in his piercing blue eyes. It had been so long since he had seen so many colors swirling, heard music and laughter and felt truly at peace. Of all the places to find it- under a mountain and among the once exiled dwarves. Legolas Greenleaf shook his head.

Thorin, King Under the Mountain, sat at the high table with Balin on one side and his beloved Dwalin on the other. Together, the three watched as dancers circled around a blond dwarf and his most loved hobbit. Fili and Bilbo had eyes only for each other as they danced together in the center of the ring.

The tall elf frowned, finally realizing what had been bothering him all evening. Someone was missing. He straightened, looking for one dwarf out of the many gathered. There was Bofur sitting with his cousin and brother; Oin and Gloin refilling their steins, Ori laughing with his brothers as they tried to dance together off to the side. Yet, there was still one missing.

It was only thanks to sharp elven eyesight that Legolas made out the figure watching from the shadows. He cursed those same eyes as they bore witness to the deep longing in those once familiar features, a pain lancing through his heart. As if the dwarf sensed he was being watched, he suddenly shrank back into the darkness.

The elf prince moved, struggling to keep up in the maze of tunnels, before finally calling out to the young dwarf. “Kili! Wait, please!”

The dark haired figure froze, slowly turning to face Legolas, confusion plain on his face. When he was finally able to catch up, the elf was startled to see the shape the shape the dwarf was in. Torchlight flickered across a pale and drawn face. Worn clothing hung on a frame too small to fit properly. Fear peered out from under loose, unbraided hair. Legolas reached out to touch to other, only to draw back when Kili flinched.

“My friend…what happened to you?”

Lip moved, yet no sound came forth. Kili tried again, a whisper that even eleven hearing could not make out. Finally, a third time.

“Friend…?”

Legolas blinked at the raspy voice. “Is that not what we are?”

Kili tilted his head, looking at the elf in wonder, his eyes pleading. “You…would…call me…that?”

The words sounded so pained, the elven prince had to restrain himself from reaching again for the smaller being. “I know it has been a while since we last spoke, but nothing has changed for me to not want to call you that.”

Desperate hope now stretched across features that should have been too young to contain such emotion. The dwarf took a step forward. Just a single, small step.

“Would…you like…to see my…workshop?”

Legolas tried to replace the worry with a gentle smile. “I would love to!”

A ghost of something appeared on pale lips as Kili turned to lead the elf further down the hall which appeared to end in a collapsed pile of rubble. It was an illusion though, as the dwarf slipped through a camouflaged crack, Legolas following with a bit more effort.

On the other side was a little room though the vaulted ceilings made it feel larger. A small forging area took up most of the space. What remained was taken up by a large worktable and stool, a bookshelf and a small cot. The table was cluttered with various tools and half worked toys and jewelry. Under it sat a box of completed works. The bookshelf was stocked with a few books, several gem filled jars and stands for working jewelry. The cot was covered with worn furs, a battered pillow and a single tattered blanket. 

Legolas grinned as he looked around. “This place is amazing! You and Fili must love it!”

The dwarf’s body stiffened as he sat down at the table. “He…doesn’t know about it…You are the first being I’ve brought here. Thorin…wrote this area off as being destroyed.”

Though he wanted to ask why Kili needed a sanctuary like this, he refrained. It was obvious his smaller friend was hurting and he did not want to push. Instead, he just leaned on the table and watched the dwarf work. 

After a bit he looked over the table and spotted a beautiful, delicate coronet among the clutter on the table. He picked it up with a smile. The craftsmanship was even more impressive closer. 

“Did you make this? It’s lovely!” Kili just nodded, not looking up. “Who is it for?”

The reply was so quiet, the elf had to strain to hear it. “Me.”

Blue eyes widened in surprise. “Why do you not wear it?”

“It was never given to me.”

Legolas looked at the dwarf in confusion. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Kili set down his tools, his hands shaking. “The first full moon after a dwarf royalty’s 85th birthday is known as the Coronation day. It is the day they are given their title. For…Fili and I, it would have meant being named Thorin’s heirs- princes.”

He smiled, though tears ran down his cheeks. “It’s a day spent together with family. Fili’s Coronation was obviously late, but Thorin held it four months after the battle. It was a wonderful day. Thorin, Fili, Bilbo and I had a delicious breakfast together. Then Thorin took us out to show us where he and mother used to play as children. We had a picnic. And when Thorin left to make sure everything was ready for the crowning ceremony…”

Legolas chuckled as Kili suddenly blushed. “The three of you enjoyed some…quality time?”

The dwarf nodded though the smile faded. “It…it was the last time the three of us were together like that.”

“What happened?”

Kili closed his eyes, tears still streaming down his cheeks. “That...that night, I heard Bilbo… he said he treasured the moments he had with just Fili above all else.” He swallowed hard. “I left then…I couldn’t face him, knowing that he…he didn’t really want me there. So I left and eventually found this place.”

“Kili…” 

He bowed his head, dark locks dropping to cover his face. “It’s been two years since then- you would think I would be over it by now…”

“But something happened…” Legolas blinked as realization finally hit him. “You never had your Coronation day.”

“I…I made that crown because I knew Thorin was too busy to make one like he had for Fili. It was stupid. I knew they wouldn’t remember…” The small body was trembling with barely checked emotions. “Why remember the shadow when the light has already been celebrated?”

The elf pulled his friend into an embrace, holding him tightly. Eventually, Kili hesitantly returned the hug. 

***  
A few days later, Legolas entered the workshop to find Kili working on a beautiful crystal necklace. They had hardly had time to speak again since the night the young dwarf had cried himself to sleep. Legolas had laid him on the cot and covered him with the thin blanket, staying there for a few more minutes before leaving.

“Hello, Kili.”

The young dwarf looked up, a smile on his lips that almost reached his eyes. “Mae goven, Legolas.”

The elf grinned. “Very good! I will make a proper elf ambassador out of you yet!”

Kili’s smile faltered, but he turned to show the prince what he had just finished. “What do you think?”

“It’s lovely!” He turned the mannequin so he could see the other side. “Do you have anyone in mind for it?”

“No…I just thought of the idea. I think I made it too long for a dwarf, though.”

Legolas tilted his head in thought. “I know of an elf maiden who would love it.”

A soft chuckle escaped Kili’s lips, catching the elf a bit off guard. “A lady friend?”

He snorted- a sound that was odd coming from such a refined being. “She is sister to some friends of mine- Arwen, the daughter of Lord Elrond.”

“Oh.” Kili thought back to his short time in Rivendell. “I don’t think I met her.”

“I believe she was visiting kin in Lothlorien at the time your company showed up.”

Kili looked at the ornament. “How could I get it to her?”

“I am leaving to visit them in a week. I could take it to her, if you like.”

Smiling gently, the dwarf took the necklace and carefully placed it in a beautifully carved wooden box. He handed it to his friend. “I hope she will accept a gift from a stranger…”

“You are no stranger to me, Kili.”

The dwarf lowered his eyes. “I am a stranger to everyone else…”

“I am sorry that I will have to leave tomorrow.” Kili just shrugged pulling another project towards him. “However, by the time I return, it should be near your birthday. If the weather is fair, let us plan to go on a hunt together.”

Dark eyes looked up at the elf, hope buried under suspicion. “Why?”

“Why not? I have never been invited to a celebration of your birth.”

“That…that is because there has never been one. Not in the halls of Erebor, at least.”

Legolas blinked. “But I have been to your brother’s…”

Kili looked down at his work. “His is almost a kingdom wide holiday. He is the crowned prince.”

“How…why does your own family do this to you?”

“It’s not their fault. I have never really been wanted or needed. Fading away like I have means fewer problems for Thorin and Fili.”

“Yet you still make gifts for them.” He chuckled sadly at the dwarf’s bewildered expression. “I see the broaches, necklaces and knives that were obviously made by you.”

“You would be the only one that would see that…”

“I also notice that most of the company has something from you, though I doubt they know it.”

“No…they wouldn’t. I leave them in wrapped packages by their doors at night.”

Legolas chewed his lip for a moment before asking, “Were these favors ever returned?”

Kili reached across the table and picked up an obviously hand knitted scarf. “Ori made this for me that first winter. He made one for everyone…but it was the last gift…”

Sad blue eyes took in the sight of the dwarf unable to go on, clutching the teal scarf as if it were the most prized silk in the land. Legolas felt his heart go out to the youngling. He had never known the pain of being so alone, not when his father cherished him more than anything else in this world and he had always had plenty of playmates growing up. And here was a young prince of dwarves, cast aside and forgotten for the sake of convenience.

“Then…if the weather is bad, I will bring a small feast for the two of us to share down here, and we shall celebrate together!”

A tear streaked face turned to him, a faint smile on pale lips. “That…would be wonderful.”

Legolas held out his hand. “Then until we meet again, mellon-nin.”

Kili tentatively took the others arm. “Until then…”

***  
It wasn’t until darkness fell that Legolas found the small gift. They were bedding down for the night, when the elf reached into his saddlebag for his flint. Instead of the fire starter, he pulled an elegantly engraved box. Lifting the lid, he found a small medallion. On it was a golden tree with leaves of emeralds. There was no note, no signature but none was needed.

Hugging the gift to his chest as a tear escaped down his cheek, he thought of the lonely, young dwarf creeping though the shadows to say goodbye in the only way he felt he was allowed.

***  
“It’s about time you got here!”

Legolas sighed as one of the twins teased him. “My humblest apologies. We were waylaid by goblins on the way over the mountains.”

Humor turned to concern. “Are you alright?”

“We are fine.” He let one of the stable masters take his horse after grabbing his bags. Other servants took charge of the horses belonging to the party he had traveled with. “They are not so well organized since Thorin’s company passed through.”

“What’s this? An elf singing praises of dwarves?” The other twin joined his brother. “Elrohir! Go alert the healers! I believe Legolas is sick!”

“Very funny, Elledan.” The blond elf rolled his eyes at the pair, gratefully returning the silent hug from Elrond’s adopted son. “Hello, Estel. It’s good to see you again.”

“And you, mellon-nin.”

“Is Arwen here?”

“She is in the gardens. Why?”

“I have a delivery for her.”

Human eyes narrowed. “From who?”

Legolas chuckled. “Calm down. It’s from a friend.” He started towards the gardens, the three brothers following.

The beautiful elf maiden stood near a rose bush, collecting some of the blossoms. She looked up and smiled, seeing the blond among the brunettes. She set aside her tools and basket to greet him with a hug.

“Legolas! It’s wonderful to see you again!”

Teasingly, he picked her up and spun her around in a circle, delighting in her laugh. He set her down and withdrew a package from his tunic. “It’s good to see you too, Arwen. I have a gift for you, and thought I should place it in your hands before I get dragged off by your brothers.”

She blinked, a curious smile on her lips. “There was no need for you to get me anything…”

Legolas tilted his head, his smile becoming sad. He handed over the box. “It is not from me.”

“Then…who?” She lifted the lid and gasped in wonder and delight. “It’s beautiful!”

The twins looked over her shoulders, both lifting an eyebrow. “It’s not elven made…”

Feeling the human quietly seething at his side would have normally made Legolas eager to tease, but he found he had no heart for it this time. “No, it was made by a dwarf who lives alone deep in Erebor, who makes beautiful things and wonderful toys. He gives them away, leaving them wrapped in packages at closed doors. He has never expected thanks for his gifts and has never received any.”

Even Estel calmed at the sorrow in the elf’s words. “Who is he?”

Legolas touched the pendant at his throat. “He is Kili, sister-son to Thorin, forgotten prince of the Lonely Mountain.”


	2. Gifts, Secrets and a Promise Kept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit  
> Warnings: Read them  
> Mindless Babble: Have some bittersweet moments  
> Also, I'm using an older, non-canon version of Aragorn (Estel) then what he is in the book or movies. Forgot to mention that last chapter.

The elf rushed through the passages, eager to see his friend. In his arms were gifts from Arwen and her brothers, even from the human one. After that first day, they had pestered him to speak more of this strange dwarf. Legolas had told them of Kili’s skills in archery and how he had so bravely fought in the Battle of Five Armies, nearly losing his life in the process. He spoke of the dwarf’s love of trees and family. Finally, he told of his friend’s loss and heartbreak.

He paused to shove the gifts through the opening before slipping in after them, leaving his pack at the entrance. He knew Kili would be surprised by them and he desperately hoped that they would put a real smile on the dwarf’s face. Perhaps, the next time Legolas went to Rivendell, he would have a companion.

The soft cry of fear stopped him at the entryway. Kili huddled on the cot, shivering though the room was warm due to the forge. He cried out again, a mumbled name this time. Fili.

Legolas quietly made his way over to his friend and knelt by the cot. He carefully shook the dwarf, cautious of fear induced arm flailing. The smaller archer came awake instantly, sitting up with confusion in his eyes.

“Kili…It’s alright- it was just a nightmare…”

“Legolas…?” He blinked once. “You’re back?”

The elf smiled. “Yes. I arrived home about three days ago. Father is not happy that I only spent one night at home before coming to see you.”

Kili blinked again, but smiled back. “I missed you.”

“And I, you.” He stood up and retrieved the gifts he had left at the crack. He set them on the cot. “Gifts from Rivendell.”

Brown eyes widened at the four packages. “I…I don’t understand…”

“Arwen was absolutely enchanted with your gift and wanted to return the favor. Her brothers were also greatly pleased so they sent gifts as well.” Legolas didn’t bother to mention the fact that all four of them had been heartbroken over the fact that Kili had been so forgotten by his kith and kin and had asked how they could help. Even Lord Elrond had taken note of the stories the Mirkwood elf told.

“I…I didn’t mean for them to feel that they had to…”

“They didn’t.” He picked up the round package first. “Here, open this one first. It’s from Arwen.”

Kili undid the string and carefully removed the paper. Inside was a thick, fluffy quilt. The pattern was a fair attempt at a dwarf design and was obviously made just for him. He ran a hand over it with a gently smile. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“She made it herself. I…might have mention that you needed a new blanket. She spent the entire time I was there making it for you.”

Chuckling, Kili wrapped it around himself. “It is a lot warmer.”

Legolas grinned and picked up an odd shaped package. “This one is from Estel, Elrond’s adopted son.” 

Eagerly, the young dwarf untied the string, nearly ripping the paper. An intricately carved roaring bear fell into his lap. The wood was polished and smooth; the details making the sculpture seem lifelike. Kili gasped with delight.

“I take it you told them of Beorn?”

“It was Estel’s favorite part of your story.” 

Kili stood from the bed and walked over to the table. He cleared a space and set the bear down, using more care than was necessary. He stepped back and tilted his head, a smile on his face. 

“Now I’ll always be able to see it.”

Legolas sat on the edge of the cot. He forced himself to keep smiling but it was only to cover the distress he felt as he watched his friend. Kili had lost even more weight and moved as if he were in pain. His eyes were haunted and dark crescent moons hung under his eyes. 

“You still have two more gifts to open, so stop admiring it and come back!”

Kili made a strange sound and it took Legolas a moment to realize the dwarf was actually laughing. “Alright, alright! Yes, let’s see what else you told them about me!”

Legolas blushed lightly as Kili sat next to him. The dwarf picked up the long package wrapped in oilskin. Inside laid a dozen red fletched arrows. The dwarf archer’s face lit up as his picked up each one, inspecting them.

“They’re perfect!”

Legolas chuckled. “Elrohir has had some time to learn to make them.”

Grinning, Kili finally picked up the last gift. It was squishy and soft and turned out to be a down feather pillow made with blue silk. It actually matched the quilt. Kili hugged the pillow, completely thrilled with the gift. He smelled lavender coming from it and grinned. With any luck, it would help keep the nightmares at bay.

He frowned suddenly as he felt something hard fall from the wrappings. Setting aside the pillow, he found a string of beads on a woven cord. He looked up at Legolas and was surprised to find the shock on the elf’s face.

“Kili… Do you know what that is?” The dwarf blushed and shook his head. Legolas took the necklace from him. “This bead indicates that you have the protection of the House of Lord Elrond. These three are the names of his children, Elledan, Elrohir and Arwen. This one is the mark of the Northern Ranger and adds them to those who will protect you.” He smiled gently. “That one would be from Estel, as he is one of the chieftains. If you show these beads to any elf or Ranger, you will be given whatever help you need.”

Kili blinked in shock. “But…I don’t understand. Why would they give such a…special gift to a dwarf?”

Legolas chuckled. “I guess they have decided that you are a dwarf worth befriending.” 

At that, the dwarf blushed even deeper. “Would…would you put it on for me?”

The elf nodded and moved so he sat behind his friend. As Kili lifted his hair, Legolas swiftly looped the strand around the dwarf’s neck. It rested so that the center bead, the one of the House, fell just below the hollow of his throat. 

“How’s that?”

Kili smiled as he ran his fingers over the beads. “It’s perfect.”

They sat in comfortable silence until Legolas could no longer hold back. “What was your nightmare?”

Dark eyes remained downcast. “I…I dream of the battle. I see so much death and I realize that I’m alone. I look around but I can’t find Fili or Thorin…at least not until an orc slams a sword into Fili’s chest or Azog beheads Thorin…but then I wake up…and I can still smell the orcs, taste the blood in my mouth, and hear the screams…”

“You’ve had this dream before.” He reached out to lay his hands over the dwarf’s tightly clenched fists.

Kili nodded, a slight shudder wracking his frail body. “Every night that I sleep alone. I had them for a while right afterwards, but then I had Fili…and Bilbo. They kept the nightmares away.”

“But you said it has been two years…” Legolas swallowed dryly. Kili was dealing with something even seasoned elven warriors had trouble dealing with: the stress that came after the trauma of war. It explained the weight loss, the paleness, and the bags under his eyes. And his friend had been fighting it alone for the last two years. He remembered something a healer had told him once and tried to swallow his fear.

“Kili…let me see your arms.”

Deep brown eyes widened in shock before filling with tears. “No one has asked that of me…” Still, he offered both of his arms to the elf.

Gently, he pushed up the sleeves, hissing as hundreds of scars as well as fresh cuts were revealed. There was a history of pain written here, the ink made of blood and the words torn from the soul of a wounded warrior. A story that spoke of a silent battle, one that should not have ever been fought unaided and yet, here it was, stark red contrasting with the pale white of skin.

Tears flowed down ashen cheeks. “Please…don’t tell anyone. They’ll get mad at me…”

Legolas dipped his head and gently kissed each wrist. “I won’t, but please promise me that you will stop hurting yourself like this.”

Kili chewed his lip. “I…I can’t make you that promise, Legolas- I’m sorry. This is the only way I know how to…to...”

“Cope?” The dwarf seemed to withdraw into himself as he nodded. “Kili, I will stay for as long as you need. If you ask it of me, I will take you back to my home.”

“I’m sure your father would love that…”

“I do not care, mellon-nin. I would rather face his wrath than have you injure yourself even more.”

Finally, dark eyes lifted to meet deep blue. “I…promise that I will try. I can’t say that I will…”

“I understand and that is more than enough.” He smiled. “Now then, I am still recovering from my trip and you look like you could use a few hours of sleep. So, if you do not mind, I think I shall help you break in that pillow and blanket.”

Kili blinked, and then laughed, realizing what Legolas was planning. “Fair enough, but I don’t think this cot is big enough for both of us.”

“True.” He stood and retrieved his pack which also had his bedroll. “Between this and your furs, I’m sure we can make a fair nest on the floor.”

Laughing, they did just that before they crawled under the warm quilt. Legolas got the pillow as Kili wanted nothing more than to listen to the elf’s heartbeat. Soon, both were fast asleep, the darkness in the young heart pushed away for the night by a bond of brotherhood.

***  
Legolas felt his mouth water at the smell of the roasted rabbit that Kili was slowly turning on a spit. The day had had been bright and warm, at least for a winter’s day. He had made sure that Kili was bundled up, getting a coat from Balin who had just looked at him with knowing eyes. It had made the elf think that perhaps there were some who still thought fondly of Kili. He thought they would be eating Lambas bread for dinner that night until Kili spotted the fat hare in the meadow they decided to make camp in. 

“It’s almost done, Legolas.”

“Oh, was I being too obvious?”

Kili chuckled. “Well, there was that bit of drool…”

Legolas huffed and threw a piece of the elvish way bread at his friend’s head. Laughing, the dwarf caught it and bit into it. “You know, this stuff isn’t too bad. Beorn would’ve had it slathered in honey.”

“From what you have told me of the man, he would probably put honey on his salads.”

Kili shrugged as he started to cut the meat off and place it on a plate. “Not a bad idea. Maybe Ori would actually try some green food then.”

The elf laughed as he took a piece of the meat and popped it in his mouth. “Hmm, not bad.”

The dwarf laughed softly. “Bombur taught Fili and I how to ‘road cook’, as he put it. He never went anywhere without his packages of seasonings.”

“Well, I am glad that you paid attention.”

Still smiling, Kili set aside the remains of the hare and placed the plate next to his friend before joining him. “Me too.”

They sat together, just enjoying their meal. Night was setting in and it was getting colder. While Legolas didn’t feel the bite of cold, he noticed how much it affected his companion. He brought Kili between his legs so the dwarf’s back rested against his chest. He pulled his blanket over his friend and held him.

“This better?”

Kili nodded, snuggling down in the warmth the elf provided. “You’re like a walking forge. It’s nice.”

Legolas chuckled and looked up. The stars were so bright in the cold winter air. And there was so many! The elf rarely saw stars from his home in Mirkwood.

“Balin told me about your mother.” He felt Kili tense and gently hugged him. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” He paused, thinking for a moment. “I’m…I’m just glad she suffers no more.”

The elf tilted his head. “Balin seemed to be under the impression that you did not know of her passing.”

“How could I not? I was with her when she drew her final breath.”

Legolas inhaled sharply. “Oh… Kili…”

“It’s alright. I was gone before Oin showed up.” The young dwarf curled up tighter. “No one knew that I visited her…but she understood. She knew why I disappeared anytime someone would come around. She never said anything. Though…I do think it hurt her.”

“I have trouble believing that she was not hurt by her youngest son living in exile in what should have been a home.”

Kili let out a soft sound that could have been a chuckle if it hadn’t seemed so sad. “I…I think…Fili might hate me now because of that; because he believes I didn’t care enough for Mother to visit her.”

“And you are fine with your brother hating you?”

“Yes.” Kili chewed his lip. “It means that if he ever missed me, he probably doesn’t anymore.”

Legolas pulled the smaller body closer in a comforting hug as he felt Kili softly weep.


	3. Truth Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit  
> Warnings: Read them  
> Mindless Babble: I just want to thank all of you for the comments and Kudos!

“What’s this? An elf and a dwarf sharing a bedroll?” 

The harsh bark of disgust woke the two friends. Kili blinked as he took in the sight of an unfamiliar dwarf and the company of men that surround them, all with weapons drawn. The dwarf sneered at them.

“And such an ugly pair…”

Despite his anger, Kili flushed with embarrassment. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep in his friend’s arms; he had just dozed off, thinking of his family. “What do you want?”

“Our dwarf friend tells us you are related to Thorin Oakenshield- that you are his nephew,” one of the men stated with an expression of greed. “He believes that you are worth a fair amount of gold.”

Kili snorted as he tried to make his way to his feet, but his body was too weak and he ended up kneeling in front of the gathered men and dwarf. His cheeks burned with embarrassment as he glared at his captors. He felt Legolas move to kneel beside him and felt his heart swell with affection for the elf.

“You will get very little for me. My un- Thorin has forgotten that I even exist.” He clenched his fists, fighting back tears as he finally spoke the truth that had been carved into his heart.

“He may remember you when he hears of your plight.” The dwarf grinned. “Besides, I have heard that the line of Durin never forget family entirely.”

“Besides, it would look bad for the kingdom of Erebor if an elf of Mirkwood was killed while under their protection,” added the man who had spoken before.

Anger flooded the weakened body as Kili shot to his feet. “You will not harm him!”

The larger dwarf backhanded him with a look of disgust. “No wonder you were never crowned! You’re obviously mentally deficient!”

Legolas immediately wrapped himself around Kili to protect him which made the men laugh and the dwarf glare at them. “Tie them up and send a messenger to the king. Let’s see if what he says is true.”

***  
Hours later, Kili finally woke to darkness. After a moment of panic, he realized the he had been blindfolded. He found his hand bound behind his back as he lay on his side. He sensed another presence.

“Legolas?”

“I am here. It is good to hear your voice.”

Kili struggled and finally managed to sit up. He felt Legolas move to sit closer to him. Sighing, he moved his hands to his belt, happy to discover his small carving knife still hidden by the thick leather.

“Are we alone?”

“Yes, as far as I can tell. I believe we are in a tent.”

“Good. Can you move so that I can reach your hands?”

Though he was obviously confused, Legolas shifted so he was back to back with the young dwarf. He gasped softly as he felt he ropes binding his wrist being cut.

“When you’re free, you need to get away from here as fast as you can.”

“What about you, Kili?”

The dwarf shook his head, even though he knew Legolas wouldn’t see it. “I’m too weak to run- I would just slow you down.”

“Fine, but I will come back for you and I will have help.”

Kili swallowed harshly. “You don’t need to. Once they realize that I’m…not worth anything… they’ll probably just…”

Legolas wrapped his fingers around the dwarf’s hand, stilling it for a moment. “I would pay a king’s ransom for you, my friend.”

His cheeks burning with pleased embarrassment, Kili cut faster until the elf was free. “Go…quickly!”

The elf squeezed his hands once more before ripping the blindfold from his eyes and taking off, slipping under the edge of the tent. It was several minutes before anyone realized that one of the prisoners had escaped. Then the camp erupted into chaos with men shouting orders and the sound of horses being readied.

The tent opened and suddenly Kili’s blindfold was ripped away. The dwarf that had been with the men stood in front of him glaring down at the still bound dwarf. Kili hadn’t been able to get the angle he needed to cut his own ropes. Still, he glared up at the traitorous dwarf.

“You’ve cost us a small fortune!” He back handed Kili. “You worthless excuse for a prince! It’s no wonder your family abandoned you!” He kicked the younger dwarf. “At least Thorin had enough sense to name that golden haired one the real prince. Even if he’s bedding a Halfling!”

Kili managed to lash out with a leg. “Don’t talk about Fili and Bilbo like that!”

The older dwarf easily dodged the kick and reached down to haul the younger one up by his tunic. He saw the beads and sneered. With his free hand, he ripped the necklace away. 

“No!” Distress made his voice higher than normal.

“Mahal! You are disgusting, wearing elven beads and worring about them...” He snorted. “Might be able to get some coin for them. As for you, I have other plans. Even if you do look like an elven half-breed, you might still provide some entertainment for me…”

Kili tried not to scream as his clothes were torn from him and his body brutally violated by the older dwarf.

***  
Thorin glared at the human standing in front of him. Next to him, he could feel the anger radiating off his nephew. Even the hobbit, sitting on the other side of Fili was seething.

“And you have proof of this claim?”

The human smiled and pulled a pouch from his bag and tossed it at Thorin’s feet. Dwalin stooped to pick it up from where he stood guard next to his king. He dumped the contents into his hand and scowled. He gently placed the hair clasps in his king’s hand. Blue eyes turned icy as Thorin recognized the elvish clasp as belonging to the Mirkwood prince. His heart lurched as he saw the twin to both the one in his own black hair and in Fili’s golden hair.

“What do you want?”

The human grinned. “Twice their weight in gold.”

“Twice?”

“Aye. Elves weigh next to nothing and that dwarf is the scrawniest thing I’ve seen in a while.”

“His name is Kili and he is my brother. You would do well to mind your manners.”

The man shrugged. “He seemed to feel that you wouldn’t even remember him.”

Fili flinched as if punched in the gut. Thorin understood how he felt. He had known that his youngest nephew had become withdrawn and was rarely seen by anyone, but had been unable to find him. Bombur had even taken to leaving out plates of food at night in hopes that Kili would stop by to eat, just so they would know if he still lived.

Then Legolas had come for that celebration months ago. He mentioned seeing Kili but said nothing more of him to Thorin. Two days ago, he had again shown up, disappearing into the depth of Erebor without even greeting anyone but Balin. A guard had reported seeing the elf with a dark haired dwarf leave just the morning before. Thorin had been pleased, silently praying to any deity that would listen, that the Mirkwood prince would be able to bring Kili back to them. Now, though…

Thorin looked past the man, seeing something that made him grin. He abruptly stood and the messenger took a startled step back. “Re…remember- you need me to tell you where to meet my friends!”

“Actually, we do not.”

The man spun as his jaw dropped. The crowd stepped back to reveal Legolas standing there with arms crossed. His eyes matched Thorin’s in both color and fury.

“Legolas!” The cry came from Bilbo. “How…?”

“Kili helped me to escape. I promised I would return for him.” He looked directly at Fili. “And that I would return with help.”

“You shall have it,” Thorin growled. He nodded to Fili, who stalked toward the human.

“It looks like we will not need your assistance after all.” Faster than anyone thought possible, the young prince removed the man’s head from his shoulders with a sword he had taken from one of the guards. There was a savage look of happiness as he stared down at the body, though it was tempered by fear and perhaps sorrow.

Legolas stepped past the corpse, towards Fili, before the prince could return to the throne where Thorin was issuing orders. “Your brother was with your mother when she died. He actually visited her often, many times while she slept.”

Bright blue eyes turned on the elf. “She…she was not alone?”

“No. Kili held her hand as she passed, then disappeared before your healer showed.” He lowered his head. “He thinks you hate him.”

“He is my brother and part of my soul. I could never hate him.” A soft cry escaped him. “I have missed him so much…”

“Will…you speak to him when we get him back?”

“I will do more than just speak.” 

Legolas smiled. “Then let us go rescue your brother.”

***  
Thorin ground his teeth as he approached the gathered men. He immediately recognized the dwarf in their company, thanks to Nori. His name was Godo and he was wanted in all seven kingdoms. If what Nori had discovered was true, this dwarf had committed a large range of crimes, from petty theft to murder. The only reason he was still alive was because he was also very good at escaping.

He reigned in his pony, Fili on one side and Legolas on his white horse on the other. He took in the half dozen men who stood waiting for them. The dark haired one in the front stepped forward.

“You came. The dwarf will be surprised.”

Thorin glared at the man. “Where is Kili?”

“He’s safe. Where is Garret?”

“If you’re referring to your messenger, he’s dead.”

“Hmm. I figured that would happen when the elf escaped.” He shrugged. “Ah well. One less share to divide out.”

“I want to see my brother.” Fili’s knuckles were white from the emotionally charged grip he had on the reigns. It was probably a good thing they left the hobbit at home, if this was how the calm one reacted.

The man tilted his head but motioned with his hand. One of the other men ran down the small hill they stood on and came back a minute later, dragging a bound dwarf. Thorin’s heart sank as he realized the small, bloody body dressed in tatters was actually his youngest sister-son.

“Kili!”

***  
Bloodshot brown eyes lifted to see the three blurry shapes in front of him. While he couldn’t make out details, he gathered from the colors that they were Thorin, Fili and Legolas. He tried to smile as he realized that his friend kept his word.

“You shouldn’t look so angry, King Thorin. At least he’s alive- which is more than I can say about Garret.”

Thorin was angry. Maybe it was because it was because he felt he had to pay a ransom for a spare, someone that wasn’t needed or wanted. His brother had sounded upset when he called his name. Maybe Fili was just disappointed that he was still alive.

He lowered his head. He’d fix everything soon enough.

“So, did you bring the gold?” 

Kili thought it was funny that they were asking Thorin for gold. Though his uncle had finally gotten over the gold sickness, he was still a dwarf. 

“I did.”

Kili couldn’t stop the soft snort of laughter. “Hope it’s that smelly chest of gold from the troll hoard…”

The man holding him went to silence the dwarf with a fist. Kili grinned as he moved as well. He reached out, grabbing the small blade from the man’s belt and stepped back, pushing the guard away. Then, without a second thought, he plunged the dagger into his own stomach.

“KILI!”

The young dwarf fell to his knees as an arrow took out the human that had been holding him. He looked up, the world suddenly coming into focus. He saw his brother sprinting towards him, fear and…something else on his face. It confused Kili. Why did Fili look so anguished?

“Hold on, Kili! We’ll get you to Oin and he’ll fix you right up…”

Kili blinked slowly as Fili gently cradled him. “It’s alright…Fili…Even if you did…still want me…I can’t be yours any more…I’m…” He broke off with a cough.

“I’ll always want you, my brother…please don’t go where I cannot follow…”

“But…you have Bilbo…to go back to…”

Tears streamed from blue eyes. “You have him too…”

“He…doesn’t want …me…” Kili tried to keep his eyes open, but the darkness was creeping into his vision. “Make him happy…Fili…”

And then there was nothing.


	4. Only the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit  
> Warnings: Read them  
> Mindless Babble: Thank you so much for all the comments and Kudos! This story has now blown away all records made by "Shattered" which is just awesome in my book.
> 
> There is a personal note at the end. Feel free to skip it.

He awoke, soft moan of pain on his chapped lips. His soft brown eyes fluttered open to take in the sight of a once familiar ceiling. For some reason, he was in Fili’s bedroom; the one he shared with Kili and Bilbo. His eyes closing, he corrected himself. It was now the room Fili shared with Bilbo only.

He struggled to sit up, fighting against the pain as movement pulled at his stomach wound. Perhaps the healers thought he still belonged here and had brought him here thinking he would be more comfortable. He choked back a sob as he slid from the bed. He didn’t really didn’t belong anywhere.

Using the wall he stood up and made his way to the door. Though he was dressed in soft brown suede leggings and a light tunic, his boots were nowhere to be found. He saw a pair of new ones at the foot of the bed but ignored them, thinking they were Fili’s. He resigned himself to walking back to his workshop bare footed.

It took him nearly two hours to make his way back, having to stop to rest often. He was dizzy and out of breath as he slipped past the break in the rock into his sanctuary. He stumbled to his cot and collapsed on it, never noticing the shadow that had followed him. 

***  
“So, it was you that made all those gifts,” Fili mumbled softly as he quietly looked through the box of things his brother had finished. 

He stood up and looked at the work table, the bear catching his eye. It was not made from any wood nearby and the style didn’t match Kili’s. It didn’t look dwarf made, nor did the hands of elves work this wood. He wondered how such a graceful carving had made its way into his brother’s possession. Perhaps it had come from the same place as the quilt and pillow.

He sighed as he walked over to the cot. Kili had passed out on top of the quilt, his head barely on the pillow. He was so pale and small. Fili knelt next to his brother and gently brushed back some of the dark hair, waking Kili.

Brown eyes opened wide with surprise and fear as Kili jerked back. “F…Fili…? What…How…?”

“I followed you.” Fili pulled back his hand. “Legolas refused to tell me where you’ve been these past two years. I do wish you had taken the boots though.”

“Boots?” Kili blinked, confused. “I thought they were yours.”

“You didn’t notice they were a little big for me?” Fili chuckled before he reached out to cup his brother’s cheek, pleased when he didn’t pull away. “Why did you leave two years ago? Why did you try to leave me forever?”

“Fili…” Kili sat up, but wouldn’t look at his brother. “You have Bilbo…”

“No…not anymore. When I saw how…lost… you had become, I realized that I needed to be by your side.”

Kili’s eyes were wide and full of fear as his body shot forward so he was clutching his brother’s tunic in both of his hands. “No, Fili! You have to stay with him! You’re the one that makes him happy! Without you, he’ll have no reason to stay here! He’ll be all alone! You can’t do that to him!”

“And what about you? You’ve been alone for so long, Legolas said you had lost your voice.”

Turning his head, Kili made his soft reply. “I’m used to being alone…I can be once again.”

“No you can’t!”

The brother’s heads snapped to where the voice came from. Bilbo suddenly appeared as he took off his ring and slipped it into his pocket. He stepped closer to the pair.

“I’m sorry, but I had to follow Fili. I couldn’t fathom why on Middle Earth he would just break off our relationship like that, with tears in his eyes. I understand now, but what I don’t understand is…” He looked at Kili. “Why you disappeared from our lives?”

Fili saw the hurt on his brother’s face before he turned away from both of them, letting go of the shirt. “On the hill…he said that you didn’t want him, Bilbo…”

Kili flinched at the hobbit’s pained gasp. “How could you think that, Kili? I love you as much as I love your brother!”

“I heard you…” The broken whisper was punctuated by a soft sob. “You said you cherished the moments you had with Fili…”

Bilbo stared at him owlishly. “Wha- Oh good gracious! You heard that?”

The younger brother nodded, still not looking at him. Fili finally remembered and paled. “Oh Kili… I’m so sorry!”

His blue eyes watched in horror as his brother shattered at those words. He quickly gathered the weakly protesting dwarf to his chest, kissing the top of his head as Bilbo grasped Kili’s hands.

“Oh, Love, you didn’t hear the rest of what I said!” Bilbo glared at Fili. “Your brother insisted on kissing me breathless at that moment.”

Fili looked a bit embarrassed at least. “It is true, Kili. Bilbo did have more to say and it did concern you…”

The younger dwarf relaxed slightly, letting his brother hold him, though his eyes were still filled with unease.

“Yes, I do cherish my time with Fili, but…” Bilbo gently stroked the hands he held. “I wanted spend time with just you too. I asked Fili that night if perhaps you would like to be with just me, since I never had the pleasure of having you all to myself. He thought that you would and we planned on asking you. But then you never came to us. You vanished, becoming no more than a wraith, haunting the halls of Erebor.”

Kili looked at the hobbit, trying to hold back the hope. “You…you wanted just…me?”

“Yes. I still do, my beautiful young dwarf.”

Fili was shocked when Kili burst into tears. Even Bilbo looks fearful, his hazel eyes wide and worried. Neither one let go of their beloved even when Kili tried to pull from them.

“Kili…What’s wrong? I thought that would make you happy…” Fili hugged his brother to his chest.

“I…I can’t be with you…not any more…” Tears were flowing down hollowed cheeks.

Bilbo brought Kili’s hands up to his lips, gently kissing them. “Is this about what that monster did to you?”

Kili froze, his features a mask of horror and humiliation. “Y…you know?”

Fili hugged the small body tightly. “Oin… He stopped the bleeding on the field before he brought you back to halls of healing. You were in such bad shape; he did a complete exam…”

“Then…then you know that I’m broken…unclean…you shouldn’t be touching me…”

“Kili, what happened was not your fault. You shouldn’t be punished for it.” Bilbo let go with one hand so he could cup the young dwarf’s cheek. “Fili and I want you with us. I want you. Please Kili, don’t let him win…”

“But-“

“No Kili. There are no buts. We love you and want so very much to help you.” Fili gently kissed the tear stained cheek. “I’ve seen your arms, felt your bones through skin and heard you cry as you slept. Please, don’t be alone anymore.”

Kili closed his eyes and went limp against his brother, though his hands tightened around the hobbits. “You have to promise to never hurt Bilbo again…”

Fili was sure his heart shattered at that. Of all the things his brother could have demanded of him, and all the things he would have given… but Kili would not ask for himself. It wasn’t in his brother’s nature.

“I promise… if Bilbo will have me back…” 

The brothers looked at the hobbit who gave them their answer as he tearfully hugged them both.

***  
Thorin stood at the doorway to Kili’s sanctuary. It was now a proper door, widened and supported by a frame. There was still construction going on inside with the room being reinforced and enlarged, the ventilation system repaired and the room next door being converted to a large bathroom with a sunken tub and other luxuries. A proper bedroom was also being built- a place for the pillow and blanket from the house of Elrond.

The king smiled as he watched the construction. Bilbo and Fili had talked Kili into returning to their room, where he stayed while he recovered. The company had done their best to help. Bombur and Dori brought up splendid meals for the three of them and Oin brought his brother with him to check of the young dwarf’s injuries, though Kili was sure that Gloin only came to remind himself that the young lad was indeed alive. Bofur and Bifur would come every day with new toys and ideas and talk with the young prince about them. Balin would bring books that he thought Kili might like, though they were more often than not, passed to Bilbo to be returned to the library. Dwalin and Nori would come by just to make sure Kili didn’t need anything and assure the young dwarf that nothing like that would ever happen again. Ori was the one dwarf that seemed to help Kili the most, coming by to just sit and talk with him- two young warriors talking through their fears of losing family and loved ones to bloody wars.

But it was Legolas who had made Thorin’s nephew smile the brightest. The elf had come the morning after Kili had returned to the living quarters with Bilbo and Fili with a small box. Kili’s face had lit up, finding the beads that Godo had taken, the cord repaired. Legolas had again put it on his small friend, happy to see Kili awake and back with his family. He said he had to leave but would return in the spring to finish their hunting trip. While the dwarf had looked miserable at the thought of his friend leaving, the promise cheered him. Legolas would keep his word.

Thorin shook his head, silently thanking the elf once again.

“Thorin?”

The king looked over to where Dwalin was coming out of the construction area. In his hands was a beautiful circlet. “Found it. Tha workers had put it in with tha rest o’ tha lad’s stuff.”

He took the delicate looking crown with a smile. “Good. The full moon is coming up soon.”

Dwalin grinned. “Think we’ll e’er have a Coronation day that’s on time?”

“Doubtful. But I do plan on making this one as special as I can.” He features turned sorrowful. “How did we lose him like that, Dwalin?”

“I wish I knew.” The tall dwarf looked down at his hands. “I guess we jus’ got so caught up in all tha work we had ta do ta make Erebor our home again, we los’ sight o’ what was important.”

“The price of that lesson was too high.”

“Aye, it was. But now we can try ta make it up ta ‘im.” Dwalin gestured to the construction behind him. “This is one step.” He touched the coronet. “An’ this is another. Maybe tha day we tell ‘im ‘bout what happen on that hill, will be another.”

Thorin swallowed hard. “I don’t want him to know about what happened…”

Dwalin dipped his head in understanding. It had not been pretty after Kili had blacked out- both Fili and Legolas had gone on an anger induced killing spree. Godo had finally met his end with a trio of arrows in his chest. The human leader had died by Fili’s twin swords. It was not long before everyone in the band of kidnappers was dead. The rest of the company had been there, hidden and waiting for Thorin’s signal, but he had not given it. Only Oin was called to tend to Kili when it was safe enough.

“Aye, though we should tell him that tha one who …defiled him is dead.”

“I think he’s figured that out. Legolas did take those beads from Godo’s corpse.”

Dwalin nodded as he fell in step with his friend and king. “Will Kili be strong ‘nough fer tha ceremony?”

“I doubt he will be, but he will have Fili and Bilbo to help him.”

“I have a feelin’ we’d hafta tie them up in a sack ta keep them from tha lad’s side.”

Thorin chuckled. “That was already tried. It failed.”

Dwalin laughed at that. “True, true. So long as I’m not on a spit o’er a fire…”

They walked in silence for a while until they came to the trio’s quarters. Thorin knocked lightly but received no response. He opened the door and entered, worried that something might have happen. He smiled, sighing in relief at the sight of the three sleeping on the bed. Kili was sandwiched between Fili and Bilbo, both of whom had protective arms thrown over the dwarf between them, as if afraid that he might disappear again.

He left the crown on the table and moved to pull the covers over his family a bit more. Then he motioned for Dwalin to leave with him. While there was a long and painful road of recovery ahead of all of them, they would walk the path, together. As a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "To write means more than putting pretty words on a page; it is to share a part of your soul with the world."
> 
> In this case, it is very true to me, for you see, this is not Kili's story, but my own. There are three ways this story is different than my own, besides the obvious one of I'm not a handsome dwarf prince.
> 
> The first is that I have never been raped. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for a very long time, but I never said no to him. 
> 
> The second is that I do not suffer from PTSD. The most traumatic thing that ever happened to me was my birth and technically, I wasn't even alive for it. No, really. I was born a month early, cord wrapped around my neck, not breathing and breech which nearly caused my mother to bleed to death. She survived and a few hours later, she was told that I lived too.
> 
> The third... I have no Legolas. No Fili nor Thorin. Not even a Bilbo. There is no one at my side. There are times when I go weeks without speaking to anyone. Most of my communication comes from IMs which usually last an hour or two in the evening if I'm lucky.
> 
> I don't tell you this so that you feel pity for me. In the spirit of my version of Kili, I hope you will maybe call up someone you haven't talked to in a while. Maybe invite them to go have coffee or a drink with them. If you do, chat with them. When they speak, listen. When they don't speak, listen. Not everything can be spoken with words. Honestly, I would be beside myself with shock and happiness if someone asked to see my own scars.
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me through this story.


End file.
